aka: Taylor Swift

Female Singer

Definitely not a Male

Academy Award Winner, Professional Songwriter, Expert Dater

Yeah, I scored Calvin Harris, Jelly?!?



Born in 1989 (yeah that's my latest album cover bro), I grew up in the Monopoly railroad town of Reading, Pennsylvania. Best place in the country to pass Go and collect $200 if I do say so myself. Since I was named after James Taylor, I guess I really had no choice but to be a singer. I thought long and hard about being a dog food taster at one point since I eat dog food on the reg but it just didn't seem right at the time. Oh well ;( . Anyhow, starting out at the age of 15 onward, I have produced 5 albums, shown up in 5 extra cool movies (Hannah Montana: The Movie is a real crowd pleaser), and I've even been dumped by John Mayor. Life is Great!!!


  • Running Through Dust
  • Performing Bad Blood While Eating a Cheesesteak
  • Stroking Carrot Top's Hair
  • Drinking Out of Cups


I love my name so much there was no other choice but to name my first album title after it. If I owned a grocery store I'd name it "Swift Holly Foods" since I'm so godly.
I fear nothing...PSYCHE gotcha on that one. I fear so many things such as gorillas (any sight of King Kong makes me want to throw up), extension cords, plastic, pine needles, you know the scary stuff. I wanted to let people know that even though I'm scared of these horrors, I'm going to do whatever it takes to cope with them whether it means singing on stage, talking about my habit of biting toenails, or even taping up outlets so nobody can even think about using an extension cord in my general location.
I hate it when people don't talk. In libraries I'm always like "Someone say something, PLEASE, I'm begging all of you!!!" After my last library incident where I eventually had to be taken out of a stretcher for exhaustion from yelling too much, I made a solemn vow that any time I was in a place where nobody was talking I would point to the person in between the closest and farthest from me (got to get the median ya know...?) and tell them too "Speak Now" That's what this album is all about folks.
My Secret ALBUM!!!! Not too many people know about this one. Well I guess now everyone is going to know but whatever, haters gon hate. So basically this album is about the best guy around, the "All American Kid" as they call him. Billy aka Franzstrodamus is my dream boy. If there is anyone I'd marry (honorable mention goes to RiffRaff, my third favorite rapper and former fling), it would be this one of a kind man of men. There are some rumors as to why he is called big Bill but that's for everyone else to figure out on their own time in their own place, JUST STOP ASKING ME ALREADY!!!!


I got so much Bad Blood with peeps I named this album after the color of which blood is in my circulatory system. Shocked I know what that is? HAHA, come one now, it's just a system of circles under my skin that, like, spit out purple butterflies which split into blue caterpillars and some red stuff aka my blood :).
Well, 69 and 1738 were already taken so all I could do was pick this weird number. I'm not sure what why I did it, I mean it can't be my birth year of Spring Break '98.

My Best SONGS!!!

Shake it Off

We are Never Ever Getting Back Together

Blank Space

I love cheese.......CURDS!!!!

My Old Page

BAck to the top...WHOOPS

Fit in my suitcase...

Please Find Me, I'm BEGGING You

Mi Número De Teléfono (I'm really trying to learn some German these dayz)


Something about a computer and a mailbox, I'd rather you just ship by Ostrich


Spring Brake '98 at My Place!!!

155 Franklin St, New York, NY 10013 aka Loftin ain't Easy